REVIEW: Vampires Need Not...Apply?: An Accidentally Yours Novel (The Accidentally Yours Series) By Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Vampires Need Not...Apply?:

An Accidentally Yours Novel

(The Accidentally Yours Series Book 4)

By Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

Publication Date: September 3, 2013

Blurb:

This is book 4 in the New York Times and USA Today bestselling Accidentally Yours paranormal romance series.

Meet Dr. Antonio Acero. Heir to Spain's wealthiest family, world-renowned physicist, and dedicated bachelor. While on vacation in southern Mexico, Antonio discovers an ancient Mayan tablet. Local legends say it contains magical properties, properties that could put his stalling research on the map.

But is this really his lucky break?

When Antonio attempts to put the tablet to use, he'll discover that Fate has other plans. Her name is Ixtab, and she's quite possibly the deadliest deity who ever lived.

“What an idiot,” the woman growled. “By the way, there’s nothing wrong with the package—you still have your gorgeous face. And that body. Hell, you’re a crime against female nature and should be shot on the spot for being so beautiful. Sadly, I can’t say the same for what’s on the inside. In fact, you’re disgusting.”

“What the…?”

“Don’t act surprised,” she said. “I know how you use women then throw them away. And I’m here to warn you: if you continue your cheap man-whoring ways, I will hunt you down and pluck out your gonads. Got it?”

Man whore? Gonads? He had no clue how to respond.

“Let’s get on with the show, shall we, Romeo?” she said.

Who was this woman? She sounded crazier than he did. “And what show would that be?” he asked.

“Does that pathetic brain of yours still work? Because I heard you’re supposed to be smart. You don’t sound so smart to me.”

Santa Maria. She was ruthless. No way was she a doctor or psychologist; she was pinche loca. “Who the hell are you?”

“Shut up before I change my mind. Teen uk’al k’iinam. Teen uk’al yah.” A pair of hands hit his chest, jolting him like a defibrillator.

His back painfully arched and each muscle in this body went rigid with the blistering heat. The air filled with the scent of fresh cut daisies and fragrant vanilla, and the heaviness lifted from his chest. It was as though a dark cloud had been sieved from his soul. Clean air entered his lungs, giving him quarter to breathe again. Memories, happy ones, flooded his heart—playing hide and seek with this brother in the Spanish vineyards during summer, scuba diving in the Mediterranean, the paella at his favorite little restaurant in the town near his home in Penedès.

“What did you do?” he whispered into the abyss.

“I saved your sorry ass, but not so you can continue your dude-slutting. Got it? You will take this chance I’ve given you to do bigger and better things—one of which will be going back to work on that tablet.”

“How do you know about the tablet?” It was a secret.

“I’m a spy for the government. We know everything,” she said as though she was overwhelmed by boredom.

“Here.” She shoved a card in his hand. “Once you’re home, call this number. They’ll send you a tutor and an assistant. And yes, Einstein, the number is written in braille. I’m also having the landlord install a braille phone and set up your computer. The tutor will come to reteach you to read. And before you thank me, you should know that I accidentally killed your cat. I’m really sorry but it…”

Antonio’s mind whirled as the woman apologized profusely for murdering his cat—something about it getting loose and jumping out a window?—and then proceeded to hurl endless, demeaning insults peppered with every swear word in the English language along with a few choice words in Spanish, too. She was so…damned horrible and bitter! The sourest, most cantankerous female he’d ever met. A thousand sailors could not compete with her sharp edges and unfiltered mouth. And yet, she was strangely alluring.

“So,” she took a breath, “you got it? Comprende, señor Acero?”

“Uh…yes?”

“Good. My work here is done. Have a happy life, ass ho—I mean, Antonio.”

“Wait! You’re leaving?” he sat up in bed.

“Sorry. Gotta get back to saving lives and all. And by the way, Tony, we’d all appreciate it if you’d get back to work on the tablet before the world blows up.”

This is book FOUR in the Accidentally Yours Series and therefore if you do not go and read the first few… you WILL…. Not might… but WILL be lost by everything going on all at once in this book…

As stated, many things going on here the third book had one h@#$ of a cliffhanger so I was ecstatic when I got this book through NetGalley to review!!

Antonio is our hero in this tale and boy is he mine!! He is trying to unveil secrets about an ancient tablet and he doesn’t waste any time in working at it... Well… except for the occasional (and in my opinion too frequent/numerous bedmates..*sigh*) the scenes full of sexual apprehension and just… cut-through-it-with-a-knife tension was unbearable at times throughout this book!! O…M…G… but almost nothing about this book will allow you to guess what will happen next.. I was on the edge of my seat a few times and was just ALL IN for Ixtab and Antonio to get everything together and stop the teasing me!! Lol This was a great book beginning to end but if you don’t read the first three books…. You’ll be lost… so GO…read em!!! J You will not be disappointed!!!

I give this book 5 out of 5 shields!