Stronger Than This by David-Matthew Barnes
Genre: Literary Fiction/LGBT/Death/Dying/Grief
Publisher: Bold Strokes Books
Date of Publication: February 18, 2014
ISBN: 978-1602829886
ASIN: TBA
Number of pages: 216
Word Count: 55,000
Book Description:
Charlene’s
soul mate, Samantha, has been killed in a car accident. Daniel’s partner,
Martin, has been murdered in a robbery gone wrong. Seeking comfort, Charlene
and Daniel attend a support group where they meet for the first time.
Emotionally
devastated and discarded by their loved ones’ conservative families, Charlene
and Daniel feel an immediate connection. Rather than reveal their pain to a
room full of strangers, they decide to see each other through their shared
anguish.
As
a beautiful friendship emerges from grief, slivers of new hope are found.
An Unspoken Eulogy
For those of you
who do not know me, my name is Daniel Pryor. We are here today to celebrate the
life of Martin Thalberg.
Martin was many
things to many people, but to me, he was my partner. My soul mate. The absolute
love of my life.
I think it’s
strange. I’m a man who writes words for a living. I can come up with a winning
campaign slogan. I can create the best ad copy in the industry. I can convince
you in the shortest amount of time possible to buy a product you don’t even
need. But to describe Martin Felix Thalberg to you? To do this wonderful man
justice and speak the perfect words to tell you about our love, our beautiful
life together, the luminescence of his very magical soul? It is impossible.
Words have failed me. And in this time of the greatest sorrow of my life, so
has love.
What I can tell
you is this: Martin was the kindest man I ever knew. He loved people. He loved
life. He loved me. And for that, I am eternally grateful. When I met Martin
Thalberg, he was a junior in college. He was twenty-one. He already knew who he
was. He was an artist. He was a photographer. He was a gay man. He was the son
of a very important woman who was ashamed of him. He tried to keep to
himself—he was always sort of an under-the-radar kind of guy—but he was too
handsome to go unnoticed. Everyone wanted to know Martin. They wanted to be in
his presence. Especially me. From the very moment I laid eyes on him.
I was clueless
and fumbling. I had just turned twenty-eight. My life was shit. I was flunking
out of grad school and finally coming to terms with the death of my parents. I
was accepting the fact I’d turned out to be a major disappointment to anyone
I’d ever met. Pure and simple, I was a screw-up. I’d blown shot after shot,
chance after chance. I’d depleted every ounce of luck. It was to the point I’d
thought about running away somewhere that summer. I wasn’t sure where I wanted
to go. Europe. Alaska. Jupiter. As far away from my loneliness as I could
possibly get.
Before I met
Martin in that university library on that fateful spring day in May, I’d given
up on many things. I’d resigned to the fact that true love would always elude
me. I would never find someone—a man—who would be satisfied to love me, and
only me. It seemed every man I met suffered from the same disease—infidelity. I
would never have the type of storybook love my parents had. I would be
miserable and unhappy, just like my sister Julie. She just knows how to fake it
a lot better than I do. I would forever be the guy everyone felt sorry for, the
poor pitiful man who sat alone at dinner parties, who always stayed longer than
he was supposed to, the one who just needed to meet the right guy. I’d sworn
off blind dates and online hook-ups. Both left me exhausted and angry. Why
didn’t I have the same thing everyone else did? Where was my shot?
Lucky for me,
love was sitting all alone. As if he was waiting for me to show up. I found him
sitting at a table not far from the German philosophy section. His eyes were
cast downward, staring intently at the photograph of a painting in a book. It
was Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus, I believe. One of his favorites. And he
looked up at me and said, “Isn’t it beautiful?” And I thought he was talking
about the instant connection between us. Because it was there and it was
intense and I know we both felt it. So I sat down beside him. I looked at the
painting. I looked at his hands. And then into his eyes. Deeply. And I knew.
How can I put
into words the beauty of his smile? The gentleness of his touch? The incredible
sound of his laughter? How can I stand here and describe to you the way Martin
made me feel? The way he made everyone feel? He was an artist who possessed the
beautiful ability to capture the poetry and humanity in the world around him
through his exquisite photographs. I just hope that today we can do the same
for him. Yet I fear it will not happen. We cannot do him justice. No matter who
stands up here and speaks to you, we cannot convey the true essence of his
being.
Sure, we can try
to summarize him in the simplest terms. Martin was a man who loved his friends,
his dog, his art, this world, his life.
For the rest of
mine, I will never be able to make sense of what happened to Martin on that
night in that store. Do the men who murdered him know that the second they
decided to pull their triggers, none of our lives would ever be the same? Now
we must try to fathom a world without Martin in it. I, for one, find that
unbearable to do.
When I leave
this church, I will go home. Back to the apartment we shared. Back to our dog
Luther, who has no idea when his other father is coming home but for whom he’s
patiently waiting. Back to Martin’s clothes that still smell like him. His
pillow. His toothbrush. His razor. His favorite cologne. Those black-and-white
photographs that were an extension of his brilliant mind. The half-empty yellow
cup of peppermint tea he left sitting on the kitchen counter. To all of these
things I will return. But I do so alone. Without him. Without the man I’ve
woken up next to every morning for the last six years of my life. I go home to
silence. To an empty chair where my best friend used to sit. To no laughter. To
no touch. To the absence of love. I return to the state I was before the very
second I met Martin.
Again, I will
become nothing. For without him, that is all that I am.
David-Matthew Barnes is the
bestselling author of ten novels, including the young adult novels Swimming to
Chicago and Wonderland, which were nominated by the American Library
Association for their annual Rainbow Books, a list of quality books with significant
and authentic GLBTQ content for children and teens.
He is also the author of a
collection of short stories, Boys Like Me, and two collections of poetry,
Roadside Attractions and Souvenir Boys. He has written over forty stage plays
that have been performed in three languages in eight countries. Collections of
his theatrical works include Deuces: Stage Plays for Two Actors, Monologues
That Kick Ass, You Think You Know Us: Stage Plays for Teen Actors, and more. He
is the writer and director of the feature film Frozen Stars and the dramatic
short film Threnody.
His literary work has been
featured in over one hundred publications including The Best Stage Scenes, The
Best Men's Stage Monologues, The Best Women's Stage Monologues, The Comstock
Review, and The Southeast Review. He earned a Master of Fine Arts degree in
Creative Writing at Queens University of Charlotte in North Carolina.
He teaches college courses
in writing, literature, and the arts.
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